When First We Practice to Deceive
by Nesabj
Summary: These are 155 word flash fics from different points of view. They take place at the very end of Season 8
1. Harm

When First We Practice To Deceive  
  
Title: When First We Practice to Deceive  
  
Author: Nesabj  
  
E-mail: Nesabj@comcast.net  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Classification: Flashfic (155 words)  
  
Spoilers: The last scene of Season 8  
  
Summary: A summary would be longer than the fic.  
  
Disclaimers: Actually, I do own JAG. Really.   
  
A.N. I used to write 100 word drabbles in another fanfic universe. Thanks to Aerogirl I get to play with another 55 words.   
  
With apologies to Sir Walter Scott  
  
*********************************************************************  
  
  
  
When did we first start lying to each other? That isn't hard to figure out.   
  
The day we met I hid my pain at her resemblance to Diane. She hid her dislike of me.   
  
She hated me in the beginning. She didn't trust me. I sandbagged her that first time in court... lawyer's trick. All right, it was a cheap lawyer's trick. I won. And, I lost.  
  
We've been erecting layers of pain and deceit for seven years. Now, add another layer.  
  
I truly never expected to lose her to Clay.  
  
Just friends? I lied again.  
  
They say your life flashes in front of you before you die. This damn plane's going down now. There's not a thing I can do to stop it and we're probably both going to die. My life is flashing in front of me. I'm so sorry it took me too long to figure out that my life is Mac. 


	2. Mac

I never said thank you.   
  
This damned plane is going to crash, he's going to die because of me, and I didn't even thank him. I lay there on that torture table, watching him like I had expected him to come, to rescue me. Like he always has before.   
  
I still don't know how he got to Paraguay, how he found us. He refused to tell me.   
  
Why didn't I say something? My silence was lie, a lie of omission. I've lied about so many things. I should have told him about Chris. I should have said I was sorry about that awful night in Sidney. I should have told him how much that kiss on the Admiral's porch meant. So many should haves. So much deceit.  
  
And, now Webb. That kiss meant nothing. I just felt sorry for him.  
  
I should have told Harm that I love him. Is it too late now?  
  
"Harm…." 


	3. The Admiral

How did I ever let Webb talk me into this fiasco? First Mackenzie, and now Rabb. I should have remembered Russia. That bastard Webb lied to us then and he lied to us now.   
  
I knew Rabb would need to go find Mac. He's such a goddamn hero. I was ready for him but I still let him push my buttons. I said some stupid things to him. Damn, I wish I could have let him go after her. I forced him to sacrifice so much.  
  
Sometimes doing your duty is so hard. Rabb knows this better than I do.  
  
I hope to God he finds her and that I can find a way to clean up this mess before it's too late for all of us.   
  
I'm their commanding office. I have dedicated my career to making things right for my people. I will find a way to fix this. Anything else is unacceptable. 


	4. Coates

This place has turned me into such a wimp. I can't believe that I folded in front of little Miss Sunshine, crying like some baby. She better not tell anyone.   
  
Oh man. I think I'm going to barf.  
  
Geez, I mean, I like Lt. Simms and everything, but is she for real?   
  
Doesn't she care about them? They're her kid's godparents, for Christ's sake. They've always been there for them. Lt. Roberts told me everything. Now the Colonel's missing and the Commander's gone too. They could both be dead and she tells me to pray?   
  
Yeah, that'll help.  
  
I can't stop crying. My stomach is in knots and she tells me to believe in God?  
  
Damn. Maybe I should introduce her to my father, the righteous minister. He'd wipe that smile off her face.  
  
Doesn't she understand? If the Commander and Colonel die down there in that god-forsaken place, there's no place left for me. 


	5. Bud

"Harriet, the Admiral just heard from Gunny."  
  
"Oh God, Bud. Are they all right? Where are they?"  
  
I look at her and I don't know what to say. She's been so hopeful, so strong for all of us. How can I tell her? I am having trouble looking her in the eye.  
  
"Bud?  
  
"We don't know yet, honey. Gunny and Mr. Webb are safe, but no one's heard from Harm and Mac. I guess it was pretty bad down there. Webb was tortured and Gunny's been shot..."  
  
She gasps and the sound pierces my heart. She has had so much pain in her life. She's lost so much. If the Colonel and the Commander don't come back, I'm not sure she'll ever be the same.   
  
I feel so inadequate. I can't help them and I can't help Harriet. For the first time I realize just how much I truly lost on that field in Afghanistan. 


	6. Sturgis

I wish I were still a bubblehead. Oh, to be stuck in a smelly tin can with a hundred guys, breathing stale air, eating frozen food, and watching the same movie for the tenth time.   
  
I thought I was getting the hang of JAG ops. It was great to get back to my friendship with Rabb. Mac's weirdness seemed under control and I couldn't ask for a finer commanding officer.  
  
In one stroke the whole place has gone to hell. I guess Webb needed Mac's help, but if he's responsible for the death of my friends he'll have to answer to me. I suspect I'll have to stand in line.   
  
I wonder if Mac told Harm she loves him. It's clear Harm loves her. I hope she gets the chance to know he sacrificed everything for her.   
  
This is such a soap opera.   
  
These are my friends. I guess I wouldn't change it for anything. 


	7. Mac

Wow, that was some landing. Only Harm could have put the plane down without killing us. Great. I get to tease him about another crash. He's so easy.  
  
"Hey, Harm."  
  
Nothing.  
  
"Harm, answer me."  
  
Still nothing.  
  
"This isn't funny, flyboy. "  
  
"HARM!!!!!"  
  
I need to get out of this cockpit. Oh, God no. He's dead. I loved him and he's dead.   
  
I think I hear something. It's a groan. Thank God.   
  
"Harm!"  
  
"Geez, Mac, don't shout.   
  
"Are you all right?"  
  
"It doesn't matter, Mac."  
  
"What the hell are you talking about?"  
  
I strip off that stupid pregnancy suit, push my way out of the plane and turn around to look at him. His face is bruised and there's blood on his shirt, but that's not what frightens me. It's the look in his eyes. His eyes look empty.   
  
Oh my god, what has he done? How in the hell did he get down here anyway? 


	8. Harm

Crap, my head hurts. Maybe if I keep my eyes closed I'll wake up and find out this is another nightmare.  
  
I try opening one eye.  
  
Nope. No nightmare. At least, if it is, Mac's in it too. Boy, is she loud.  
  
"HARM!!!!!"  
  
I wish she'd stop yelling and leave me be. My life with her is finished. I chose her above everything and she chose Webb. I love her, but she doesn't want me.  
  
"Harm, do you mean it?"  
  
"Mean what, Mac?"  
  
"You just said you love me. Do you mean it?"  
  
I said that? Out loud? I must have really hit my head.  
  
"What difference does it make, Sarah? You love Webb."  
  
"Geez Harm, sometimes you are such an ass. I don't love Webb. I feel sorry for him, but I love you. Always have. Always will."  
  
'You make is sound so simple"  
  
"It's not complicated, Harm. Just shut up and kiss me." 


	9. Harm and Mac

Together, they got Harm out of the plane. He likely had a concussion and enough cuts and bruises to feel really miserable. Mac, because of the padding in her fake belly, was relatively unscathed.  
  
They discovered, to their delight, that the Mennonite farmer had left an emergency kit in the plane. They tended to their wounds, ate some of the food they found, and relished the first moments of peace either of them had felt in days.  
  
Finally, they could put off talking no longer.  
  
"Mac, I can't imagine what you went through."  
  
"It was pretty bad, Harm. I need to thank you for coming to our rescue. How did you get the Admiral to let you go?"  
  
"I didn't."  
  
"You're UA?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Then, what?"  
  
"I resigned, Sarah."  
  
"He'll take you back."  
  
"Maybe. It really doesn't matter, if I have you."  
  
"I'm so sorry."  
  
"I'm not."  
  
And, they kissed again. It really was that simple. 


End file.
